Tag: Friends

20 years later – growth

Yesterday a friend and I commiserated over life in general. We both still have similar thoughts about belief in a higher something, fate, acceptance of what life throws at you, and that as we age, we just become more ourselves.

This friend and I drifted apart after a key point in my life where I made a decision that she supported but didn’t agree with. We recently reconnected via Facebook. I gladly accepted her request but was still trepidatious. We have had minor, passive interactions in the months since that reconnection.

Maybe this says bad things about me, but I had moved on in my life. She was the one to request the connection. If she wanted to rekindle she would do so in her own way and time. I have a very full life and she is 1000 miles away. We can’t exactly meet up for coffee. I gave her my phone number. She didn’t give me hers. I figured it was up to her to take it from superficial back to something deeper.

Then… then she was in a terrible accident last week. To the point, she was “fighting for her life” according to her sister. That she had a “brain bleed” for several days after the accident. I was saddened. It reminded me of how I had reconnected with another friend and lost her shortly thereafter.

I have been told by others that I have a generous spirit. I let her sister (who seems to be the spokesperson for the family to the public) know that if there is anything I can do, I would. I’m a universal donor – so there is a good chance if an organ was needed I could at least test to see if other factors matched and would gladly give. When a Go Fund Me came up, I gladly and quickly gave what I could.

I was surprised and excited when I received a phone request from my friend. We chatted for a long while. One thing that struck me is how some things had not changed and how lucky I was to have such a good friend returned to me. The other was how… things had not changed. She was on the same path in life that we saw 20 years ago. Her life is still limited the way I feared mine would be had I stayed. (I don’t mean any shade by the limited comment.)

The conversation was like a mirror into another dimension as to what I would have been had I not made some changes to my life. It was a blessing, helping me to appreciate better where I am and that I am glad I made those changes. I am happier and healthier (emotionally, mentally, maybe even physically) than had I not made those decisions.

I am very sad my friend had her accident and the challenges it is putting her through. But I am grateful that it was a “wake up” moment on so many of these levels.

What is community

Two plus years ago I took a very scary step. I gave religion a second chance after giving up on it many years ago.

I didn’t feel any fulfillment from organized religion. I had been burned in niche communities with the drama or being used in someones agenda. I had a hard time reconciling faith with science. Despite all that, I stood by the quote from Contact (the movie, never read the book,) “[…] we belong to something that is greater then ourselves […]” This book and movie was before the popularization of the Higgs-Boson, though I suspect Carl Sagan was aware of it when he wrote. Read more

Favorite Person

There has been a lot going on. Being the High Holy Days I’ve been very introspective and thinking about who I am, how I do things, how to be a good person. I’ve always been harder on myself than I am on others.

One of the things that made my day was twice I had separate people tell me how I am their favorite person.

The second who told me that was a 17 year old, but we get along as if we are a similar age (between his and my age.) I think it is because we do have so much in common, as well as I treat him like an adult. I think that this may change over the years as he grows up and gets more experience in general and starts to develop his own life away from his parents.

The first who said it today was a guy I’ve been in classes with. He has been to my house for events. He really is a good guy. I had to nod my head as he described things such as my having a big heart, not bullshitting, putting my all into everything I do.

The fact I heard it twice really helped me to be less hard on myself. It was nice for the universe to find a way to tell me to chill. I’ll still keep tabs, but it’s nice to know that I’m not as bad as I often think.

Jewish Weddings

Several years ago a coworker/friend got married. He wanted me to attend, but, couldn’t afford to invite me. I totally get that. So he told me the day and where – but not when. I was essentially given permission to crash. As it ended up, I showed up late – missed the ceremony and frankly didn’t spend much time at the reception. I didn’t know anyone else there and felt bad eating since I wasn’t an accounted for/invited guest. So I didn’t see more than 30 minutes of the reception.

Recently a friend got married, but it would be out of state. Another couple who are acquaintances also got married recently.

All three of these weddings are Jewish. As a recent Jewish convert, and with the hope to get married again someday, I wanted to see in action a Jewish wedding to understand how it differs from the multitude of Catholic, or other Christian or non denominational weddings I have attended over the years.

Being the nerd I am, I’ve done my research so I know the differences regarding the ketubah (marriage contract), chuppah (canopy), and the Hora (chair dance done to Hava Nigla/Oseh Shalom/Siman Tov.)

To be fair, this wedding was interfaith. I expected it to be more involved due to that. The ceremony was MUCH shorter than any other I had been to. There simply was less ceremony to it. It was processional, vows/rings, the traditional 7 blessings and Numbers priestly blessing, they did a unity candle (as a nod to the groom’s nonJewish family), and breaking the glass. Then it was pictures, food, and partying.

The other big difference for me was that it started on time. I have been to dozens of weddings and none of them started on time – not even my own! (Though that was my being benevolent and due to my future MIL running late.)

I half hope to see others to get a better feel for them in general.